So It Goes

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“What I’d really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga! But I’ll probably end up working at Great America, mopping up hurl and lung butter.”

Wayne Campbell
I rarely pay more than $20 for a bottle of wine because I don’t always appreciate the depth and subtlety of the flavors and also because I drop the bottle in the parking lot and have to stand there awkwardly staring at the spill while I debate whether it’s worth licking the concrete for. #FMM (Fuck my Malbec)

I rarely pay more than $20 for a bottle of wine because I don’t always appreciate the depth and subtlety of the flavors and also because I drop the bottle in the parking lot and have to stand there awkwardly staring at the spill while I debate whether it’s worth licking the concrete for.

#FMM (Fuck my Malbec)

Actual Things The Woman Behind Me Said During a Saturday Afternoon Showing of “The Descendants”

“George Clooney really is nice looking.”

“Is it hard to play the ukulele?”

“Language!”

“I guess with her mom in the hospital, no one can brush Scotti’s hair.”

“He has a lot of shoes for a Hawaiian. Those look like loafers.”

“He runs like a doofus.”

“If my daughter talked to me like that, I’d have two family members in the hospital”

“Is Scotti a nickname?”

“That boy has a Joker mouth.”

“He was probably always really nice looking.”

“THAT’S A PLOT POINT.”

“Which Bridges is that?”

“Do they call them Hawaiian shirts in Hawaii? Or just ‘shirts’?”

“He must not be a very good lawyer.”

“I don’t like to run on the sand.”

“Now he’s barefoot.”

“Do those flowers dissolve in the water?”

[Ten straight minutes of body-wracking sobs]

“Are we ever going to find out Scotti’s real name?”

[Another five minutes when she’s openly weeping and saying “Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord”]

“He can really do sad.”

[Continued sniffles]

“That might have been better than The Help”

“Listen to me. See, I’m hip to your problems. All of ‘em. I know you abandoned Nicole when she needed you most, ‘cause I licked her sweet tears. I know about things comin’ apart at work. Maybe you fuckin’ lost it in that department. I also know you ain’t keepin’ up, so to speak, your end of the bargain with the missus. ‘Cause if you were she wouldn’t be all over my stick. Relax, Steve. We’re friends. We’re practically family.”

Mark Wahlberg, in Fear

This is the man who, fifteen years later, coulda been an American hero. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, MISTAH WALKAH?

GPOYW: Fish Fighting Edition A .jpg in which I wear too much Bruins merch.  It’s also a .jpg taken from the angle that best highlights the Steve Carell-ish proportions of my nose.

GPOYW: Fish Fighting Edition

A .jpg in which I wear too much Bruins merch.  It’s also a .jpg taken from the angle that best highlights the Steve Carell-ish proportions of my nose.