By the time this Soy Milk expires, I’ll be 30.

In a related story, OMG HOLD ME SOMEONE HOLD ME AND TELL ME I CAN STILL SHOP AT STORES THAT DON’T INCLUDE THE WORDS “ANN” AND “TAYLOR” AND THAT I WON’T SPEND MY WEEKENDS PLUCKING MY CHIN HAIRS AND TRYING TO HARVEST MY OWN EGGS.