My beloved Kurt Warner emptied his locker for the last time in January, packing up his shoulder pads and his concussion-addled brain at the end of last season. Last night it was announced that he’ll be spending his retirement as part of the cast of Dancing with the Stars, along with superfertile Alaskan Bristol Palin, a Wesson Oil-sweating Florence Henderson, and the remaining shards of David Hasselhoff’s career.
It’s going to take some time for me to process this. I’ve already debated whether I’ll be wearing my St. Louis Rams jersey while I watch the show and weep, or whether it’ll be the Arizona Cardinals one. Either way, there will be weeping.
