So apparently Will Ferrell was s’posed to sing on American Idol tonight, but according to Funny or Die, the producers “took a beat and actually read what we wanted to do and the plug was pulled.”.

This was to be his song and the words are glorious, even when written in all caps.  IT’S LIKE HE’S SHOUTING IT TO US.

MUSIC: GENTLE PIANO LEADS US BY THE HAND INTO THE SONG
(WILL FERRELL walks on stage in a white flowing shirt and pants with white moccasins on. The VT overhead shows clouds against a blue sky.)
FERRELL
IMAGINE IF YOU WILL A DOLPHINWEARING A TINY COWBOY HATTHEN THAT SAME DOLPHIN GIVES BIRTHTO A SOLID DIAMOND BABY…
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!!MAKES SUSAN BOYLE SEEM LIKE CHERTHIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER!!IT CAN MAKE AN EAGLE MAKE LOVE TO A BEAR!!!
(Reveal a choir of literally a thousand people. We can use seat filling cardboard cut outs if need be. But it should be absolutely gigantic.)
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL SONG EVER PAULA, THIS AINT LIP SYNCING, IT’S REAL!!THIS SONG IS BETTER THAN ALL CHRISTMAS CAROLS COMBINEDLIKE FINDING A NAKED LADY, IN YOUR HAPPY MEAL!!!
TALK PART: You know when I first read this song I asked “Did Dylan, Taupin and Angelou really write this.” And they said sort of. And I said what does that mean? And then they ran away. But after five bottles of wine I knew who the real writer of this song was….. the big man himself, God Almighty.
A THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOWTHIS SONG WILL BE STILL BE SUNGEVEN IF PEOPLE NO LONGER HAVE MOUTHSTHIS SONG COST NINE POINT EIGHT MILLION DOLLARSBUT WE COULD NOT FIND A WORD THAT RYHMES WITH MOUTH
WILL:

IF JESUS WERE TO SING THIS SONGON A MOUNTAIN OF PUPPIES IN A LAND OF OLDIT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFULTHAT ACCOUNTANTS EVERYWHERE WOULD PISS GOLD!!!
THE END!!!!
—via Funny or Die