In an effort to procrastinate from actual work, I just rummaged through my closet and found several journals from my middle school summers—the ones where all of the entries are addressed to Paul McCartney. These are some of my favorite paragraphs and, despite the Hemingway-style sentence structure, I didn’t edit any of them except to snip out the dull parts about how many Chef Boyardee Lunch Buckets I ate or the hole-by-hole recaps of my golf games.
I’d just turned fifteen. My sister was ten.
June 14, 1994
Up about 10:45. Went outside, sat on the deck and read more of Blackbird. Good so far although sometimes I think he’s too hard on [Paul]. Came in, cleaned my room, etc. Ashleigh called to invite me to her pool party. Mom said I could go. Krista called to invite me to her bar mitzvah but I want to stay home and watch A Fish Called Wanda.
Played Barbie—yes Barbie—with Runtie but not of my own goodwill. I made Cross-Dressing Ken and Bag Lady Barbie until Mom told me to straighten up. Watched Dave [Letterman]. To bed by 1.
P.S. Grade card came in today. 4th 9 weeks: 4.0; Semester: 4.0. Earth Science is still the devil.
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June 17, 1994
Watched the U.S. Open on ESPN. Not as good as being there.* Went to Ashleigh’s pool party. The pizza was good but somehow the breadsticks were always wet. Dave not on tonight. It’s just more OJ Simpson crap but I taped all night** just in case.
* I was at the height of my golf frenzy that summer and for my birthday, my dad took me to the U.S. Open at Oakmont Country Club, just outside of Pittsburgh. It remains the best gift ever—and one of the best days, start to finish.
** All I’ve ever wanted to be was a comedian and, at that time, David Letterman was my absolute hero. When he switched to CBS in 1993, I decided I’d never miss an episode and either stayed up to tune in or recorded it on the VCR. Other than the night a blizzard knocked our power out, I caught every show until OJ’s White Bronco wrecked my streak.
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June 18, 1994
Happy 52nd, Paul McCartney!!!
Up at 9:45, watched Monty Python for the first time in ages. Went to Runtie’s third and final (THANK THE LORD) fashion show at Crossroads Mall*. Wore my U.S. Open hat which has been permanently attached to my head. Ate at Chick-fil-A, still don’t understand why they have to hyphenate it.
Listened to the Beatles all day.
* As much as I wanted to be a comic, my sister wanted to be a supermodel. Despite our outsized ambitions, our amazing parents never did anything but encourage us. For me, that meant letting me monopolize the VCR and compile countless stacks of VHS tapes, carefully labeling all of them as “Comedy Research”. For my sis, it meant enrolling her in modeling classes that, near as I can tell, meant that she spent every Saturday that summer with a group of other girls wandering in loosely choreographed circles in front of Sears.
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June 20, 1994
Keri called to say she would finally bring my Guess overalls back. She did.
Wore my blue Rollerblade shirt, khaki Duckheads, and U.S. Open hat to my golf lesson. Looked rad.
Mom & Dad took a walk so Runtie and I squirted each other with water guns until she accidentally locked us all out of the house. Dad had to break down the back door in the garage.
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June 21, 1994
Let’s recap what I did today: CLEANED MY ROOM. We (obviously) stayed home all day. I read Lennon. Watched Full House and Risky Business, but just until Tom Cruise dances in his underwear.
Mom & Dad took another walk and Dad said he didn’t care if the house burned down, we weren’t to lock the damn doors.
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June 25, 1994
Went to the Crossroads Mall. I got an awesome bathing suit, a Stone Temple Pilots CD (O.K.) and another Grateful Dead tape (GREAT). Went out on the boat when we got home. Waterskiied. Bombed. Skied again. Bombed again. Alison came over and said “My dad saw you ski. He said you fell and looked like a fool!”. Sometimes she can be a real twat.
