Oh hey, Pigpen, it’s totally cool if you stay in bed while I do all the chores.  I mean, why would you help me vacuum when it’s obviously my own brindle coat that’s been shed on the throw pillows? I’m also pretty sure that I’m the one who dropped mouthfuls of kibble all the way across the living room, forming a partially-digested archipelago of beef-flavored treats.  So yeah, you and your latest interspecies conquest—a squirrel this week, is it?—just sleep late and I’ll go Magic Erase my own paw prints off the windowsills.

Effing freeloader.