Me: It’s taken all season, but my fantasy team1 finally won a Gameweek.
Him: Seriously? How many people are in your league?
Me: Thirteen! I won because I was the only person who picked up Theo Walcott befo—
Him: Oh, I don’t need the details. I just wanted to know if any other people actually played fantasy soccer.
1 That’s right. My team is called The Villas-Boas Constrictor, although now I sort of regret not naming it The Van Persiecat Dolls.