Irish Guys I Would Bone: Part 4

A couple of months ago, I started getting HBO on the TV in my bedroom. I don’t subscribe to HBO and it’s a scrambled mess on my other set so I couldn’t figure it out until I shared an elevator with the prep star next door who spent our twenty second ride screeching into her Blackberry, something involving the phrases “not paying for it” and “don’t even want HBO”.

I thought about calling TimeWarner and fixing it, you know, so I would get into heaven or something, but then she started listening to that Metro Station song on endless repeat and ordered the entire J.Crew spring collection at once—the boxes stacked Tetris-style in front of her door—and I started to hate her and her effing madras pants. Later that week, I discovered In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne* and after spending thirty minutes lapping at the TV screen with my tongue, I decided to keep him.

*Also he was in the Usual Suspects, that movie where Patricia Arquette is the devil**, and in the one funny Mary Catherine Gallagher sketch on SNL .***
** No, not that one. The other one.
*** No, the other one.